(ANTIMEDIA Op-ed) Birmingham, AL — Well, it’s 2017. Donald Trump is president of the “free world,” so it’s safe to say politics has gotten pretty strange in America. Today, we found out that apparently, people are smashing and destroying Keurig coffee machines to make a political statement. Yes, in 2017, even coffee is being politicized.
We're revolutionizing the news industry, but we need your help! Click here to get started.
So why are people smashing their Keurig machines? It’s pretty pathetic, to be honest. But here it goes.
A lunatic by the name of Roy Moore is running for the U.S. Senate (surprise!) in Alabama — and he’s a lunatic even by 2017’s political standards. He literally thinks Sharia Law is taking over America and has already been implemented in Indiana and Illinois (it hasn’t). He more or less hates Muslims and their religion. He thinks the U.S. government should be run by Christianity. He thinks being gay “is an inherent evil against which children must be protected.” He was suspended from being a judge in Alabama because he’s a prehistoric dickhead who refused to allow gay people to get married. According to Slate, he has even argued that “the government should seize the children of gay people and send their parents to prison.” Wow he really, really cares about conservative family values!
He also thinks grown men engaging in intimate relationships with 14-year-old girls is perfectly fine — and he should know — he’s being accused of doing it. Another woman is expected to come forward Monday claiming he sexually assaulted her when she was a minor. Just to reiterate, former Judge Roy Moore thinks gayness is “an inherent evil against which children must be protected,” and he thinks 30-something-year-old men having sexual contact with children is… not an inherent evil against which children must be protected?
UPDATE: The woman expected to come forward today has given a press conference alleging Roy Moore groped her when she was 16 years old and she thought he was going to rape her.
Right now, you may be asking yourself, “how does this have anything to do with Keurig coffee machines?” Don’t worry, I’m getting to that.
As if Roy Moore’s dickheadedness and hypocrisy weren’t bad enough, the reaction from people coming to his defense is arguably even more despicable. Alabama state auditor Jim Ziegler invoked the bible to defend his colleague Roy Moore’s contact with children. “Take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter,” Ziegler explained. “They became parents of Jesus.”
Jerry Moore, Roy’s brother, has gone as far as comparing his brother’s recent trials and tribulations in the media to the persecution of Jesus Christ. Yes, that Jesus Christ.
Roy Moore, to his credit, has called the women’s reports against him — growing in number by the day — “fake news,” a deflection often used successfully across the political spectrum in 2017.
Following the news breaking about Roy Moore’s alleged sex acts with children, evangelical voters in Alabama are now more likely to vote for him, according to a recent poll. And, according to The Hill, “A group of 53 Alabama pastors has signed onto a letter urging Alabamians to vote for Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore after the allegations of sexual misconduct were leveled against him.”
Finally, Fox News host Sean Hannity stepped up to bat for Moore, downplaying the allegations against him as likely false — and definitely not as serious as the allegations against… Bill Clinton — a sexual predator and former president who was relevant politically… 17 years ago. Hannity’s argument basically boiled down to Bill Clinton was worse and the allegations against him were true. Roy Moore is not as bad (probably) and the allegations against him are probably false… because, well, just because.
And finally, here’s how Keurig ties into this political joke who is probably still going to be elected. In response to Sean Hannity defending Roy Moore, an accused sexual predator and possibly worse, advertisers have begun abandoning their sponsorships of Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News. One of these advertisers happens to be Keurig, and loyal Hannity fans are now smashing their Keurig machines to boycott the company’s boycott of Roy Moore, accused sexual predator.
Below you can revel in peak American #BoycottKeurig political discourse and activism (take that, libtards!):
— Reverend Bob Levy (@TheRevBobLevy) November 12, 2017
Liberals are offended by this video of a Keurig being thrown off of a building.
— Collin Rugg (@CollinRugg) November 12, 2017
— Angelo John Gage (@AngeloJohnGage) November 12, 2017
— Proud American (@montgomerychamp) November 12, 2017
Isn’t 2017 amazing?!